Special Escape Edition, part deux

Monica, Wall-E and Heidi

The actual escape, part deux, is scheduled for tomorrow.  But tomorrow I will be too busy escaping to blog anything.  So today I'm writing, tomorrow we're escaping.  Like, deux!

People who have been incarcerated like Heidi have trouble adjusting to life outside.  Last time Heidi had difficulty walking more than 100 feet without turning around, because that's what she does in the hallway at 3NW.  She still walks for an hour at a time, but in 100-foot segments.






Gloria Starting Chemo



This trip I'm predicting Heidi will find it difficult to not discuss bowel movements.  Here in the hospital, every doctor, nurse, nurse practitioner, fellow, grad student, nurse tech, and housekeeper wants to know that what's going in and what's coming out.  It's very important part of medical care.



In the real world, people don't discuss that kind of thing.  At least not in polite company.  No, in all company.  My word of advice for all of you who visit Heidi when she is out is to learn how to change the subject quickly. 

Polina, the Russian Agent in charge of Sleep Deprivation
(Yes, Nurse Tech boss, that is my beer, not hers)
(No, Nurse Tech boss, I do not share beer)
(Okay, Nurse Tech boss, I do share empties for photo ops)

Monica, in the first photo way above, is one of the aforementioned problem-causers.  But the real reason to write about Monica is her dry sense of humor.  She has this way of showing disdain for me that sometimes seems soooooo genuine.  But I know it isn't because I'm the second most-lovable person in this room.

Gloria has taken care of Heidi many times in glorious (Glorias?) fashion.  She is a good example of the excellent caregivers here on 3NW.  There are many others too.  Too many to mention them all.  Some I have already included in previous posts.  Many others deserve to be mentioned, and mentioned again.  Praised and praised again. 

Lastly, I have to mention Polina, the bane of my sleepovers.  Polina tries so hard to be discreet and polite and quiet and operate under the low cover of darkness (I'm sure they taught her that in the agency torture school).  But still I will always accuse her of intentionally kicking my bed and shining her night ops high intensity flashlight in my eyes.  That's what I do.

If all goes according to plan we will be checking out of here tomorrow and not returning.  At least not returning in any official, sanctioned capacity.  I'm sure Heidi will find an excuse to bring some baked goods this way.  I certainly won't balk at any opportunity to ask Monica for a beer as I did many times when she insincerely asked if we needed anything.  Or ask Polina for some vodka.  Or continue to request a 5.1 Dolby surround-sound system so we could actually enjoy a multimedia movie.  That's what I do.

Thanks so much to all on 3NW at University Medical Center.  Obviously we couldn't have done it without you.  You made such a potentially horrible experience bearable.  No, much better than bearable.  There were actually enjoyable aspects of our visit here.  We will miss you.