Critical Bone Marrow Biopsy Results are in

Riding Inside, Dreaming of the Outside

The most important bone marrow biopsy in Heidi's Leukemia treatment was taken yesterday and the results were due today.  I didn't sleep much last night.  I couldn't work much today. 

But I did manage to finally get outta bed this morning and drive to see my bald girlfriend living in the penthouse downtown.  No, not that one.  After the big move, she is now my bald girlfriend living in a view penthouse downtown.  Heidi is either the floor favorite or the biggest whiner, because they gave her the only room with a view of something other than the next building.  She can see the beautiful West Tucson  Mountains out her window.  Then they gave her an exercise bike so she could look out the window and ride.  Perhaps I should use an acronym to refer to my BGLVPD. 

Before I forget, her room is 3719 and her phone number is 520-694-3165. 

This morning, while visiting my BGLVPD, the doctors said the results from the biggest bone marrow biopsy in Heidi's leukimic experience would be revealed today.  Dr. Pavvi [with a last name I cannot spell nor pronounce], playing the part of Vanna White, would reveal whether we would get what's behind Door No. 1, another month of re-induction treatment; Door No. 2, progress on to a 1-week consolidation treatment; or Door No. 3, . . .  Wait a minute, okay, play along for a moment and pretend there are only two doors and, yes, I know Vanna doesn't do the three-door thing.  Just go with it for the moment. 

Okay, 2 doors.  Door No. 1 is go back to the beginning; do not pass Go; do not collect $200.  Door No. 2 is to land on something cool like St Charles or Connecticut.  But not Electric Company; I never really liked the utilities unless you also get Water Works and then it's marginally worth it.  Because when everbody is buying houses and hotels raking in the rent, that paltry $75 per stay just seems kinda crappy.

Heidi, meanwhile, fresh off the viral head-shaving video experience (which, by the way, is now up to 457 viewings—I'm working on my Oscar acceptance speech), takes this stuff all in stride. 

So I'm at work all day trying to concentrate, but not really getting anything done.  Heidi, fresh off the viral head-shaving video , says she will call me when Dr. Pavvi [ _______ ] delivers the pivotal results.  Finally about 3pm I call her and ask whether she has the most important results yet.  She says her friend Gigi was visiting, and before that, Lori was here.  Lori, by the way, wants me to point out that she is the frontrunner for most visits by a long shot.  I won't quote a number because she will go out of her way to tell me how badly I underestimated, detailing every facet of every visit made to date, all while on another visit.

Where was I?  Oh, then Heidi asked me when I was leaving work to come visit (yes, Lori, more times than you, neener neener neener!), and I asked if she wanted anything from Safeway.  See, almost every day after work I drive here to the hospital, but stop at Safeway for beer and sometimes food.  You read the order correctly:  beer, and sometimes food.  The past week I have also shopped for a bag of Halloween candy.  The nurses love to visit Heidi, perhaps because she is the floor favorite, or perhaps because she is the biggest whiner (no, maybe not because of that), or perhaps because there is always a bowl of halloween candy in her room. As an aside here, let me point out there is a fourth possibility.  They might be visiting Heidi just to be closer to me. Yes, there is candy, Heidi and a view, but let's not forget the wild card:  me. I'm just saying . . .

But I digress.  Heidi told me today on the phone, while leading up to telling me the biggest bone marrow result, that Lorelei had eaten all the chocolate candy from the candy bowl.  Yes, Lorelei, the famed video camera operator from the famous viral head-shaving video.  So I bought a bag of Reeses, because the way I see it, the more nurses that come to visit Heidi for candy, the more nurses come to visit Heidi to take care of her.  It's a win-win.  Actually, not so sure about the first win, because all the candy makes Lorelei kind of hyper, and then she goes on a sugar crash, and then I have to threaten to call her mother and tell of her poor food choices.  She is now in Minnesoota visiting said mother who will surely discover said bad food choices, because, after all, you can't hide anything from mom.  And, yes, it is me calling out bad food choices when I stop at Safeway for, and I list this order intentionally, beer and sometimes food.

But I still digress.  Oh, and I did pick up a nice quart bottle of Stone IPA too.  Drank it with some packaged Safeway sushi and watched the sun set over the West Tucson Mountains out the best view window on 3NW.  Finished with a little bag of Reeses Pieces.  Thank you nursing staff for spoiling Heidi!

But I digress further.  The biggest bone marrow biopsy results were delivered to Heidi this afternoon.  Now, bear with me here, O Gentle Reader, for I wasn't there to get the results from Dr. Pavvi [ ___________ ] myself.  But according to Heidi, and she may have been paraphrasing Dr. Pavvi [ __________ ] here just a smidge, the results were Oh, yay!  Now, I'm not an expert at Heidi-speak, but I believe that is much better than Oh, damn!  It is, in fact, what's behind Door No. 2. 

Indeed, Heidi relayed that Vanna, I mean Dr. Pavvi [ __________ ] said the bone marrow extracted yesterday was visibly clear of leukemic cells and had a blast density below some critical threshold.  Clearly Door No. 2.  Now, Let's Make a Deal fans, let's be clear here that it would be better to have a blast density that is lower than a snake playing handball with a curb.  So this isn't the best results possible, but it is Door No. 2 and it is Oh, yay.  The way I see it, it's kinda like playing slow-pitch softball starting with a 1-1 count.  It's still possible to get a hit, round the bases and make it all the way home, but it's a little harder than starting with no balls and no strikes.  Or maybe that's just a bad analogy. 

So, to recap, my BGLVPD, channeling Vanna, said Oh, yay. I bought candy, drank beer, ate bad sushi, and plan to sleep better tonight.  Say goodnight, Scott.